Rolling Stone
In October 2024, I took a trip down Route 66 as a part of an ongoing book project. I wrote a short piece about the election-related things I saw along the way and the dangerous allure of American nostalgia in an age of American decline. For what it’s worth, I pushed for a cooler title. The piece can be found in its entirety here.
Playboy
One of my first major publications was in Playboy, a Mount Rushmore outlet for any young humor writer. A sudden explosion of Mothman sightings in my then-home of Chicago coincided with me getting dumped in spectacular fashion. The resulting piece is a thoughtful, melancholy, and sometimes spooky journey to find single cryptids in my area. I’ve come a long way as a writer since this was published, but I still enjoy returning to it from time to time.
Unfortunately, Playboy did not agree. During a big sexy site redesign, they wiped their archives and my piece along with it. It can now only be found by the grace of the Internet Archive. You can read it in its entirety here.
The Onion (2017-2025)
I wrote for The Onion from 2017 until 2025, contributing primarily to the American Voices and Infographic beats. There were dozens, if not hundreds, of these over the eight years I wrote them. Here are some of my favorites (I’ve specified which jokes are mine in the bottom left corner).
Brain Worms Newsletter - 2020-Present
Like many writers, I started a newsletter during the early pandemic lockdowns. Brain Worms is an exploration of internet culture and how it effects the way we interact with each other. Each essay contains a brief update about my other work and where you can find it. You can find it here.
October (Condé Nast)* - Features Writer from 2019-2021
October was a wonderful but short lived Condé Nast outlet that was ostensibly focused on the culture surrounding beer and brewing. In reality, the outlet had an adventurous editorial team that let writers swing for the fences. It ruled. Unfortunately, like so many cool outlets before it, October was shuttered in early 2021. Due to the site’s closure, I’ve provided a PDF capture of some of my work there rather than links.
Zero Percent: A Search For The Ultimate Non-Alcoholic Summer Beer
Looking For Euphoros At The End of The World [Kin Euphorics Review]
Drinking With The Cast Of Animal Crossing
Polygon
Another year, another merger, another cool outlet that’s barely recognizable. Polygon got absorbed into another company and I can’t vouch for the health of its archival links in the long term. I hope they last. But what’s the point, really? Does anyone actually read this far down the list of links? Or is it just my job to provide a list of places that have published me so that you can provide another chance to be published? That’s just how it works I guess, round and round we’ll go until we’re all just skeletons sharing links deep beneath the cold earth. Anyway, here’s some stuff I wrote for Polygon.
Strong Bad…Thank You - A Love Letter To An Early Internet Icon
The Karate Paved Road To Hell - Nostalgia, Rivalry, and Cobra Kai
ClickHole - Contributor from 2016-2017
10 Things To NEVER Say To Your Bartender
How Many Of These Classic Punk Bands Have You Heard?
You’re A Bird! Do You Have What It Takes To Survive In The Wild?